Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Review [3]

Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 06.29.2009

A big, loud bit of summer movie nonsense. I had a blast.

"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" Review

Shia LeBouf- Sam Witwicky
Megan Fox- Mikaela Banes
Josh Duhamel- Major Lenox
Tyrese Gibson- Master Sergeant Epps
John Turturro- Agent Simmons
Ramon Rodriguez- Leo Spitz
Kevin Dunn- Ron Witwicky
Julie White- Judy Witwicky
John Benjamin Hickey- Galloway
Glenn Morshower- General Morshower

Peter Cullen- Optimus Prime (voice)
Hugo Weaving- Megatron (voice)
Mark Ryan- Jetfire (voice)
Tony Todd- The Fallen (voice)
Charles Adler- Starscream (voice)
Tom Kenny- Skids/Wheelie (voice)
Reno Wilson- Mudflap (voice)

Directed by Michael Bay
Screenplay by Ehren Kruger, Roberto Orci, and Alex Kurtzman, based on the Hasbro toy line

Distributed by Paramount Pictures and DreamWorks SKG

Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi action violence, language, some crude and sexual material, and brief drug material
Runtime- 150 minutes
Website: http://www.transformersmovie.com/



"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" is exactly the kind of movie we've come to expect from director Michael Bay. It's big, it's loud, it's chock full of stupendous action and spectacle, and it makes very little sense. Normally, that kind of thing would be annoying. Who wants to watch a two-and-a-half hour movie that's just one big ass action sequence after another with nothing connecting it together? For whatever reason, though, "Transformers 2," as a Michael Bay summer movie, is immensely entertaining despite itself.

Yeah, that's what I said. "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" is entertaining.

Here's the plot as far as I can figure it out. Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBouf), who we last saw in "Transformers" befriending the Camaro Autobot Transformer Bumblebee while getting together with the uber hot Mikaela Banes (Mega Fox), is about to head off to college sans Bumblebee and Mikaela. He wants to be on his own for a while (well, he plans on remaining Mikaela's boyfriend via long distance relationship because only an idiot would break up with Megan Fox) and wants to try to get away from all of the space robot hooey that's still very much a part of his life. What Sam doesn't know, though, is that the dastardly Decepticons, once though eliminated at the end of the first movie, are back and looking for Sam and the little sliver of magical robot cube thing that was so dang important in the first movie. His family is attacked by little Decepticon robot things, only to be saved by Bumblebee and the other Autobots (more on them in a second). Even after the attack, Sam wants nothing to do with Autobots and the resurgent Decepticon menace. Again, Sam just wants to get on with his life.

Meanwhile, the Autobots, led by Optimus Prime (voice of Peter Cullen), have joined forces with a super secret international army force (led by the returning Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson) that's sole mission is to hunt down Decepticon stragglers and eliminate them. Elements of the U.S government want the NEST group (the defacto name of the Autobot/human force) disbanded because they feel that the Autobots are more trouble than they're worth (the thinking is if Earth tells the Autobots to take a hike the Decepticons won't come back and start a big ass big ass space robot world war). Those elements, led by a guy named Galloway (John Benjamin Hickey), want to act quickly before more incidents like the one in China (that's where the movie starts, in China) occur.

So what's the big hooha problem that's hovering in the background, scaring the Autobots? The return of the Fallen (voice of Tony Todd), the first Decepticon that invaded Earth back in the old, old days, and the big leader of the current Decepticons, lead by the returning Megatron (voice of Hugo Weaving) and Starscream (Charles Adler). The Fallen is looking for a big machine buried somewhere on Earth, a machine that can swallow the sun (it's all about obtaining massive amounts of energy for some reason).

As for Sam, he's off at college, freaking out after having some kind of brain seizure that causes him to see a weird language everywhere. He's also got several Decepticon assassins after him (let me put it to you this way, this part rips off "Terminator 3"). Sam eventually decides to get back into the big ass space robot business and, with the help of Mikaela (she decides to come three thousand miles to rescue him) and his fast talking douchebag roommate Leo (Ramon Rodriguez), decides to try to figure out what the heck all of those symbols he keeps seeing mean.

That's about all I can remember and figure out. John Turturro returns as Agent Simmons, a government agent that has fallen on some serious hard times. Kevin Dunn and Julia White have also returned as Sam's parents Ron and Judy Witwicky (they have a great husband wife chemistry and schtick) and the great Glenn Morshower returns, though as a different character (in this movie he's General Morshower). Rainn Wilson also does a nifty little cameo as Sam's astronomy professor Colan. Jon Voight doesn't return, though, most likely because he couldn't do a scene where he calls President Obama a Muslim terrorist, and I think we can all be thankful for that. All of these characters add a certain amount of energy to the movie that allows you to forget all of the nonsensical nonsense. In other words, they're a bunch of fun.

As I said, the movie makes very little sense, but after about a half hour it doesn't really matter because you can't keep your eyes off the screen. I know I couldn't. The Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson characters probably have more screen time in this movie than in the first one, but we don't get to know them beyond their roles as members of the NEST team (it's like they're G.I. Joe or something). I actually wouldn't mind seeing a movie completely devoted Duhamel and Gibson and the Autobots sans Optimus Prime (because Optimus Prime is always a scene stealer and the movie would end up being about him). The last third of the movie is the best as the various action scenes, both human and robotic, are the most though out. I quite enjoyed the "final stand" in the Egyptian desert sequence.

The various big ass robots are still hard to tell apart. Optimus Prime and Bumblebee are easy to recognize because they have personalities and they just look different from the others. Megatron and the Fallen are easy to figure out as well, mostly because of the voice work by Weaving and Todd. I was confused by most of the others (Jetfire, the Decepticon turned Autobot voiced by Mark Ryan, is the rare exception. Again, it's all about the voice work here).

And then there's Skids and Mudflap, as voiced by Tom Kenny and Reno Wilson. These comic relief Autobots have generated a huge amount of controversy because of their "offensive" behavior and demeanor (they can't read, they're always fighting with one another, and one of them has a gold tooth, which I guess means they're "acting black," whatever the hell that means). I see it and I don't see it. I thought their bits were funny (one of them calls a guy a "pussy," which got the biggest audience laugh from the audience I saw it with) but I can see why some people might be offended. My suggestion for everyone, though, is not to take it too seriously and refuse to buy the Skids and Mudlfap action figures so they won't be back in the third movie. And if they make a cartoon about them, or a comic book, for the love of God don't watch it or buy it.

LeBouf and Fox do a great job as Sam and Mikaela. They have real chemistry together, you actually believe they're a couple, and you're never bored by them (at least I wasn't). I think I may have just figured out why all of this nonsense works. Thanks Shia and Megan. Ha.

"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" isn't a great movie by any stretch of the imagination. It's a big ass summer movie about big ass space robots beating the crap out of one another and a whole bunch of other stuff that makes absolutely no sense at all. It's big, it's loud, and it's insane. It's also quite a bit of fun. At least I think it was.

Go see "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" to see what all of the fuss is about. You may like it. Just don't take it too seriously. In the end, the movie is just nonsense. Big fucking nonsense.

So what do we have here? Gratuitous weird noises over the various logos, gratuitous voice of Peter Cullen narrating the beginning of the movie, ancient humans fighting a big ass tiger, gratuitous early man vs. space robots, gratuitous modern day Shanghai, China, a sign that says "Suck my popsicle," gratuitous Glenn Morshower, gratuitous Josh Duhamel, gratuitous Tyrese Gibson, a construction crane that's really not a construction crane, gratuitous old Chinese guy eating dinner and completely oblivious to the carnage directly behind him, bridge destruction, gratuitous Shia LeBouf, gratuitous Kevin Dunn, gratuitous Julie White, ass slapping, multiple bits of dog humping, gratuitous Megan Fox, gratuitous Megan Fox in very, very short jean shorts, gratuitous Bumblebee to the rescue, gratuitous Megan Fox undressing (no nudity, though), satellite hooey, gratuitous hip and edgy college stuff, gratuitous "Cloverfield" poster, gratuitous "Bad Boys II" poster, gratuitous Mountain Dew product placement, a bag of marijuana brownies, robotic marbles, a very elaborate frat party, gratuitous hot blonde chick, gratuitous funny music cues, green goo to the face, submarine hooey, massive destruction, gratuitous voice of Tony Todd, gratuitous Rainn Wilson, a brain seizure, cheating on Megan Fox, Shia LeBouf screaming like a girl, library destruction, Megan Fox hotwiring a car, attempted brain removal, gratuitous big ass space robot gun fu, gratuitous Optimus Prime putting another robot in a Dragon Sleeper, robot face ripping, snail eating, aircraft carrier destruction, gratuitous CNN, gratuitous John Turturro, a robot that sounds like it's voiced by Steve Buscemi, gratuitous John Turturro wearing a jockstrap, taser hooey, gratuitous going to the Smithsonian, robot leg humping, giant robot parachute fart, a guy complaining about Mega Fox falling and landing on his balls, masking Shia LeBouf's recently disfigured hand, a "foreign" midget army officer, a big ass final fight between the humans and the robots and the other robots that involves a giant robot that just keeps getting bigger and bigger all the while sucking stuff up into its mouth, ancient pyramid destruction, big ass space robot testicles, a weird beard flashback, the return of Optimus Prime, and a big ass space robot ass kicking.

Best lines: "Alright, Ironhide, we've got echoes," "He's here. I smell him," "Damn, I'm good," "Autobots, I'm in pursuit!," "Punk ass Decepticon!," "Look what I found. It's your little baby booties," "Mojo! No dominating Frankie!," "Oh, I love it when you say camshafts," "Love ya, Bee," "You know what this is? The awkward moment," "It's just like Hogwarts!," "I love Camaros," "Is your radio broken?," "Young man, I will not be punked in front of the dean," "Anyone else care to have some kind of mental breakdown?," "That's my eye your crazy bitch!," "You're such a little girl," "You're so weak!," "It's like Canadian goose poop," "This fool is terribly misinformed," "What you are about to see is top secret. Do not tell my mother," "You should be embarrassed. This is a family museum, sir," "How many times can you get tasered in the nuts before you can't have kids?," "I gotta tell ya, this guy did not age well," "This is what's called hiding like a ninja," "Why do boys always change the subject?," "Now that's rude!," "We're about to get our ass whipped," "Nobody messes with the twins! Ugh! You shot me in the face!," "We got Jordanians!," "I am directly below the enemy scrotum," and "A living Prime? I don't believe it!"

The 411: "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" is a big, ridiculous, fun movie. It's the big summer movie cliché. It's loud, it makes no sense, and regardless of all of that you'll probably have fun watching it. Just don't take it too seriously. The flick doesn't warrant that kind of attention.

Final Score:  8.0   [ Very Good ]